|
Osnaživanje, stil i inspiracija spajaju se u svakom izdanju našeg magazina.
|
December 2, 2025
We all have boundaries — psychological, emotional, social, and physical. Sometimes we manage to stretch them, but the price is high: dissatisfaction, exhaustion, burnout. We know our limits well because experience has taught us where they are, yet we still struggle to put them into words. Setting boundaries in relationships has become a major topic in modern psychology precisely because we know it’s essential for protecting our mental health — but actually doing it is incredibly hard. What if you lose a friend? What if you look selfish? Let’s explore the fears that push us to say yes even when every part of us wants to say no.
Setting boundaries is the foundation of mental health, self-respect, and stable relationships. When we’re clear about what works for us and what doesn’t, we protect our energy, time, and emotional space. Boundaries prevent overwhelm, resentment, and the feeling of being taken advantage of.
They’re not about being harsh — they’re about balancing your needs with other people’s expectations. Many people fear that boundaries will make them seem rude or selfish, but the opposite is true: boundaries make relationships clearer and healthier. They signal how we want to be treated and help build mutual respect. Connections become more honest because there’s no silent frustration or suppressed anger.
So why is setting boundaries still so difficult?
Because boundaries push us outside our comfort zone and disrupt the familiar dynamics in our relationships. The moment we need to say no and stand up for ourselves, a whole system of learned emotional and psychological patterns gets activated.
Many of us grow up in environments where boundaries were discouraged or even punished, so we internalize the belief that taking care of others is more important than meeting our own needs. Boundaries then feel risky, uncomfortable, or even dangerous.
Setting boundaries is also hard because it requires clarity, confidence, and emotional strength — skills few of us were ever taught. Instead, we learn to stay quiet, keep the peace, and prioritize everyone else, even at the expense of our own well-being. Boundaries feel frightening because they ask us to choose ourselves, even when that choice comes with temporary discomfort.
The most common reason? Fear of loss.
We fear we’ll lose a relationship, love, support, or approval if we speak up. Just as powerful is the fear of how the other person will react — criticism, anger, rejection, misunderstanding. People who avoid conflict often choose peace over short-term discomfort.
Then there’s guilt: many women believe they’ll seem selfish, ungrateful, or demanding if they assert their needs. The longer you’ve said yes to things that burden you, the harder it becomes to stop. But the main obstacle isn’t the people around us — it’s within us.
How many times have you caught yourself thinking:
If I say no, they won’t love or respect me anymore.
I don’t want to seem selfish, ungrateful, or difficult.
It’s easier to stay quiet than to explain myself.
I don’t have the right to ask for that — other people have bigger problems.
Every one of these thoughts signals a fear that is preventing you from setting healthy boundaries.
In most situations where we struggle to say no, one of three fears is holding us back:
fear of loss, fear of others’ reactions, or fear of seeming selfish.
These fears aren’t irrational. It is possible — though far less likely than we imagine — that setting boundaries will upset someone, cause tension in a relationship, or make someone view us differently.
But here’s what we must remember:
the moment we negotiate or abandon our boundaries, we betray ourselves. Long-term, relationships built on self-betrayal simply don’t survive.
According to behavioral therapists, overcoming these fears requires three steps.
You must identify exactly what scares you about setting a boundary.
What’s the worst-case scenario you imagine?
That fear is your starting point.
Ask yourself:
How likely is this scenario to actually happen?
If it did happen, how intense would the consequences be?
Identify what would help you cope even if the worst happened.
This is what strengthens you — knowing you can survive the discomfort.
Loving yourself requires courage — and boundary-setting is one of the clearest places where we practice that courage. Brené Brown, professor and researcher on vulnerability, shame, and wholehearted living, openly shares her own struggles with setting boundaries, especially in uncomfortable situations.
Even Brené needs something to hold onto in difficult moments. For her, it’s a silver ring she twists whenever fear kicks in. Her mantra?
“Choose discomfort over resentment.”
Find your own reminder — something that anchors you to the decision to protect your well-being, even when it’s hard.
When she finds herself agreeing to something while quietly resenting it, Brené writes about it in her Resentment Journal. How did she end up in that situation? What overwhelmed her? Later, she revisits these entries to identify patterns. In her case, she forgets her boundaries when she is tired or overloaded.
Setting boundaries isn’t a skill you learn in a workshop — it’s something you learn through repetition. You can get tools and guidance, but the real work is yours. Like everything valuable, practice leads to mastery.
When you slip — and you will — keep going. Take the lesson, adjust, and try again.
