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Osnaživanje, stil i inspiracija spajaju se u svakom izdanju našeg magazina.
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December 18, 2025
This is story about us.
Written by: Hristina Tonić, psychology student
Originating from the Vogue article of the same name (Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?), this topic has stirred people across the entire political and ideological spectrum and prompted many to offer their own perspectives. Following the discussion, I was left with the impression that a large number of people failed to fully grasp the point of the article, or to engage with all the nuances of the issue. In the corners of social media where women openly discuss romantic relationships, the idea of removing romantic partnership from the center of women’s identities has been present for quite some time. This is best illustrated by the movement to decenter men—a movement that is growing by the day, with the goal of raising awareness and empowering women to prioritize themselves and their own lives.
The central question is not whether it’s embarrassing to have a boyfriend today, but rather why women’s online identities in 2025 are still so heavily shaped by the men they allow into their lives. This text aims to explore exactly that.
Do you remember the recent viral incident in which an Instagram user shared that her husband had packed dog food for her snack? Soon after, videos began circulating of women showing the bland and nutritionally poor lunches their husbands had prepared for them to take to work. What happened next? These women did not receive the sympathy and understanding they had hoped for, but instead a clear message: Leave him. Why? We see variations of this scenario every month, just with new protagonists. We’re tired. As women in the audience, we refuse to pity those who are in unhealthy relationships with men while attempting to justify and normalize them through public exposure of their problems.
Women consume and create significantly more content on social media than men do—especially lifestyle content that showcases personal life and everyday routines. This is not only true for influencers, but also for people who post content purely for fun. Naturally, this extends to sharing content about romantic relationships. Women often initiate trends of boastful partner exposure (or “flexing”), which are then picked up and replicated by other women, in line with the mechanics of social media growth. Before you know it, a new trend appears with a slightly different sound and caption, but the core message remains the same: Look how lucky I am—this man is mine.
As a response to this saturation, a growing number of women are consciously choosing not to publicly display their partners on social media until engagement or marriage. Some continue to show them only minimally even after getting married. These choices are often rewarded and encouraged by other women who make the same decision. What message does this send, and does it mean that having a partner is now embarrassing? This kind of online behavior—centering oneself rather than a romantic relationship—used to be characteristic of men. It was never considered strange in their case, because men were never expected to act as (unpaid) promoters of romance and marriage.
Thanks to BookTok, the romance genre seems more popular than ever—and that’s no coincidence. Contrary to many claims, the biggest flex for most women remains being in a happy romantic relationship. However, it seems that a close second place is now taken by the idea of being a happy single woman with a fulfilling life. Wonderful, isn’t it? As it turns out, this is precisely what poses a real threat to everyone—men and women alike—who try to impose the belief that romantic partnership is necessary at all costs. Being in a bad relationship with a man has, for many, fallen to third place or even the very bottom of the list.
No, it is not embarrassing to have a boyfriend today. What we are witnessing instead are women’s attempts to dismantle the moral dominance of being in a romantic relationship over being single.
The answer, at least from my perspective, is not so simple. We must acknowledge the cultural and historical norms that still color this conversation, even if only faintly. For centuries, being a married woman has carried a certain social status—an assumed moral standing. This has not been fully eradicated. You were good enough to be chosen—that’s the underlying message. As much as I cringe while writing these words, I’m not blind to the reality of a society that still comments: there must be something wrong with her. A woman may be accomplished in many areas, but what does it matter if she still doesn’t even have a boyfriend? Even if nothing else in your life goes the way you want it to, society will assume you’re happier than others as long as you’re in a relationship—any relationship.
Beyond romantic partnership, social dynamics among women also play a role. We are all painfully aware of the state of the dating scene. We analyze it over coffee, complain about it in messages, and cry in one another’s arms. In moments like these, excessive public display of a man a woman deems “good” has a dual effect. On one hand, it reflects her happiness and infatuation. On the other, it reveals—more or less openly—a need to show that she is the chosen one, the lucky exception in bad times. Her reward? A man.
From the audience’s perspective, this public spectacle known as romantic partnership on social media looks like this: he becomes a recurring feature of her posts, every anecdote carries his trace, even when it adds nothing to the story. Advice to other women soon follows—those who are not yet equally happy and remain single. My personal favorite: It will happen when you least expect it, just believe and be patient. Consciously or not, these women assume a condescending, dominant position over other women solely because a man stands beside them. As the spectacle expands, so does the righteous anger of the single female audience.
That is why a woman who flexes her man online—only for him to later prove unworthy of the praise—can almost certainly expect a negative reaction directed at herself. The message boils down to this: there’s no reason to flex a man; in the end, every one of them will embarrass you. Some will call this an exaggeration. Who’s right? I remain undecided. And let’s not forget the viral moment: “That’s what I get for screaming MY MAN, MY MAN too loud,” a phrase many women still identify with after their relationships fall apart—relationships that were previously flexed, of course.
This raises the next question: are we, in this way, forbidding women from publicly expressing joy and satisfaction with their partners? I would say the answer is no.
Social media is not always a welcoming place for women—especially those who, when things are going well, serve patriarchy, and when things go wrong, seek female or even feminist solidarity and support. The internet shapes our behavior just as our lives shape our online behavior. We don’t forget the friends who remembered us only when their boyfriends or husbands had other plans, or when they were between relationships. These and similar experiences exist in our collective memory, waiting for a dominant public narrative to pull them back into our thoughts and reactions. Still, this does not fully explain everything.
There are many women who publicly showcase their partners and their satisfaction with their relationships without receiving backlash from the community. The key difference I’ve noticed between those who are supported and those who are criticized lies in how the identity of girlfriend/wife/partner is positioned within their online persona. Those who face less criticism are precisely the ones who have convinced their audience that their lives are full and well-rounded, and that their most interesting trait is not their relationship with a man. They are allowed to be more vulnerable and open about relationship problems because the audience perceives them as more complex individuals. This is not necessarily tied to the reality of their lives, but rather to the self-presentation produced by their content.
Women whose public persona is built primarily around their relationship have far less room to share problems, challenges, and dissatisfaction. Is it fair that they aren’t allowed to publicly make mistakes and learn? No—but it is understandable. A shift in how we treat women in these specific circumstances needs to happen, because female solidarity means understanding and tolerance even for those who do not walk the same path. Until then, every day, in our thoughts and actions, let us center ourselves—and other women.
Because this is not a story about men.
This is a story about us.
Photo: Pexels.com
