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April 10, 2026
Love does not require you to hand over your passwords. Nor does it demand access to your private conversations. Cyberstalking has become a widespread form of psychological abuse affecting modern women—here’s how to recognize it and protect yourself.
When we hear the term cyberstalking, we often imagine an anonymous hacker hiding in a dark room, complex bot networks, or sophisticated revenge campaigns. The reality, however, is far more ordinary—and far more disturbing. For hundreds of thousands of women, the digital abuser isn’t sitting behind an unknown server on the other side of the world. He’s sitting across the table. He is a partner, a husband, a boyfriend.
When cases involving public figures are discussed, a dangerous illusion is often created—that digital abuse happens only to “those women,” somewhere in the distant worlds of politics or celebrity. This distancing normalizes the quiet, everyday, and deeply harmful control happening in our own bedrooms. Digital abuse rarely begins with a dramatic hack worthy of headlines. It often starts under the guise of care, with a seemingly innocent sentence: “If you have nothing to hide, why not give me your password?”
Cyberstalking in intimate relationships doesn’t start abruptly—it evolves through seemingly harmless requests that gradually erase personal boundaries. Here’s how it unfolds for many women:
“Let me just see who’s texting you” (The Unlocked Phone Syndrome)
What begins as a joke or casual scrolling through messages can quickly turn into routine surveillance. Reading your conversations with friends, family, or colleagues is not transparency—it’s a violation of both your privacy and theirs. Demanding passwords in the name of trust is, in reality, proof of deep mistrust and a need for control.
“Turn on your location so I know you got home safely”
Sharing your location late at night for safety is one thing. But being required to share your location at all times—via apps like Google Maps, Life360, or Find My Friends—turns care into surveillance. It allows a partner to monitor how long you stayed somewhere, why you took a different route, or why you’re still at work. The result is an invisible prison, where you constantly feel the need to justify your movements.
Hidden Spyware (Stalkerware)
This is where obsessive control crosses into serious criminal behavior. Under the pretense of setting up your phone or installing updates, an abuser may install hidden software that runs in the background. These apps allow him to read your messages, access your camera, and listen to your conversations in real time—without leaving any visible trace.
This behavior is never about safety. It is about power and isolation. When a partner knows your every move and every word, it creates a silent psychological breakdown. You begin to censor yourself—avoiding complaints to friends, skipping spontaneous plans, and constantly adjusting your behavior to avoid conflict. Your phone, which should connect you to the world, becomes a tool of confinement. The result is chronic anxiety, a persistent feeling of being watched, and the gradual loss of personal autonomy.
Boundaries must be set the moment you feel uncomfortable—regardless of how your partner tries to justify or romanticize their behavior. Privacy is not secrecy. Having thoughts, conversations, and memories that belong only to you is a fundamental human right. When faced with manipulation like “Why are you hiding your phone?”, the answer should be clear: “Because it’s mine.” Emotional blackmail—“If you loved me, you’d show me”—is not love. It is control.
If your partner knows things you never told them, quotes conversations they were never part of, or if your phone behaves unusually (battery draining quickly, overheating), your device or accounts may be compromised.
Take action carefully:
Safety first: If there is a risk of physical violence, do not immediately delete apps or change passwords. This could trigger escalation. Instead, seek help from support organizations using a safe device.
Check your accounts: Review connected devices in your Google or Apple account settings and remove any unfamiliar ones.
Review app permissions: Check which apps have access to your microphone, camera, and location. Revoke anything suspicious.
Factory reset: If it is safe to do so, a factory reset is the only reliable way to remove spyware. Save only essential data like photos—avoid full backups, as they may restore the malicious software. Change passwords only after resetting your device.
What happens in private spaces reflects a broader pattern. Cyberstalking is not just a technological issue—it is an extension of gender-based violence. Digital tools have given abusers more efficient and accessible ways to exert control. When women refuse to be silenced in private and step into public life—as journalists, activists, or public figures—the same mechanisms expand into organized harassment.
Tactics include fake accounts to bypass blocks, mass harassment, doxing (publishing private information like addresses or phone numbers), and revenge porn—including increasingly common deepfake manipulation. This form of violence is highly gendered. According to UN Women data, over 95% of deepfake content online is non-consensual pornography, and 99% of victims are women. One in four female journalists worldwide receives death threats online, while fewer than 40% of countries have adequate laws addressing cyberstalking.
If you suspect you are a victim—whether in a relationship or through online harassment—know that you are not alone.
In Serbia, key resources include:
SHARE Foundation: Offers free legal and technical support for digital rights violations. Contact: info@sharedefense.org
Journalist SOS Hotline (NUNS/UNS/NDNV): 24/7 support for threats and attacks. Phone: 0800 100 115
Autonomous Women’s Center: Provides legal and psychological support for women facing violence. Phone: 0800 100 007
High-Tech Crime Department (Ministry of Interior): For reporting threats and illegal distribution of private content. Email: vtk@mup.gov.rs
Do not engage. Do not respond. Abusers feed on your reaction, and your words can be manipulated or taken out of context. Document everything—take screenshots, save URLs, and report the abuse. Ask someone you trust to manage your accounts if needed, so you don’t have to face the content directly.
And most importantly: you are not to blame. You are not to blame. Responsibility lies with a system that allows, excuses, and often fuels such abuse. What belongs to you is your voice, your space, your phone—and your right to live without fear.
Written by: Katarina Milićević
Photo: Mateusz Dach / Pexels.com
